Cannes - 10-25-08

Larry Wilson is a successful and funny stage performer who has just landed a super cool assignment that requires him to do close-up sleight-of-hand with cards. Magicians perform under a variety of circumstances, this one is a new area for Larry. I’m giving Larry a crash course on how to do close-up sleight-of-hand with cards.

Mr. Wilson has been hired to appear for two weeks at the Cannes Film Festival, where he will do tricks with playing cards that have been specially printed for Empire Entertainment, a producer of low budget exploitation films.

The Empire decks have fifty two different films depicted on their faces. Empire’s newest creation, Re-Animator, is the Ace of Spades. The other fifty-one films that are depicted, with titles like The Last Los Angeles Virgin, Cosmic Chopper Chick Ninjas and Boston Bimbo Invasion, don’t actually exist.

The idea is to presell the film, video, and cable rights to as many different countries as possible. The Empire mantra, “If you can’t presell it for enough money, don’t make the movie.” The Cannes Film Festival on Entertainment Tonight is about big stars and award winning films.

On the French Riviera it’s about buying and selling movies, for every Universal Studios and Warner Bros there are dozens of companies like Empire. The majors get attention with movie stars, big time directors, and awards. The little guys use other methods like direct marketing and publicity stunts, but I’m getting a little ahead of myself here.

The year is 1986, the festival starts in May… in April, Steven Spielberg and Martin Scorsese cancel their plans to attend due to fears of Libyan terrorism and the unknown results of the nuclear accident in Chernobyl that’s just happened. Some big American movie stars also cancel, as does Larry Wilson.

Some stars and directors backed out, but the movie companies did not. Charles Band of Empire Entertainment summed it up for many when he said, “We’re not risking radiation and terrorism for nothing. We’re going over there to do business.”

Larry is out and I’m in, and this is one of the best gigs ever. Empire may not be the biggest company, but I’m picked up at the airport in a limo, my hotel includes complete carte blanche for room service and they treat me like a star… And this is probably the only place in France where everyone pretends to love Americans and speaks English.

Every day I’m whisked to several locations where I perform card tricks on a black velvet table top, and pretty girls hand out free decks of cards. The locations are in and around the main festival hotels… the Martinez, Carlton, Concorde, Hotel du Cap, The Croisette- the oceanfront boardwalk, the Palais-where the film awards are given, and numerous parties, hospitality suites, and bars.

The bigger smaller independent companies are working this same circuit with all kinds of schemes. T-shirts are common as a giveaway promotion, eight foot bears in full costume, a Rambo look-a-like with machine guns, topless girls, stunts and crazy happenings like this guy with a pig under his arm… an army of paparazzi are interviewing the pig.

I’m not sure if it’s because this year there are fewer stars, or if it’s always like this but… the whole bunch of us are constantly photographed, televised, and people can never do enough for you. It’s the most extraordinary ego stroking. A photo of me with a playing card on my face appeared in Paris Match, and in Variety I ended up in the column Buzz de jour.

And let’s face it, the companies we represent are selling films with a lot of action and nudity and very little dialogue. They’re definitely not award winners. They are, however, the type of movies that attract viewers of all languages with a minimum of dubbing. I heard critic Roger Ebert swear he even met a man selling films like ours by the pound.

At the cocktail hour on the terrace of the Carlton I ask director Sydney Pollock to pick a card… he starts to talk about his new Ferrari. Instead, an ambitious no name starlet wearing next to nothing selects a card.

It’s a six of clubs, with a picture of three vampire fanged girls wearing overalls, the movie title is Bloodsucking Farm Girls. I say, “Look at your card, memorize the movie title… now show it to everyone.”

The starlet says, “Bloodsucking Farm Girls? I grew up on a farm, I should have been in this movie.” I say, maybe you can be, they haven’t made it yet. At my request, she signs her no name on the face of the card with a felt tip pen, and flirtatiously adds her phone number.

I have everyone say the magic words Empire Entertainment, and the autographed card vanishes… then reappears in a sealed envelope in the zippered compartment of my wallet. The cocktail crowd like my tricks, but the starlet is absolutely beaming. I think she likes me. The starlet says, “That was so amazing! You are very handsome, and I really admire your work...” Thank you. Maybe we could get together for a drink when I’m done here? “That depends... Can you get me an audition for the farm girl film?”

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