Leave Me Alone - 2-05-09

A couple decades ago, the Sundance Cruise Line asked if I wanted to work on a ship called the Stardancer. It was twelve one week trips sailing the Mexican Riviera. Puerto Vallarta, Acapulco, Mazatlan, Cabo San Lucas... Sounded good to me, so they signed me up.

My stateroom was comfortable, the food was unbelievable, there were shops, bars, a casino, library, movie theater, health spa, pool... shuffleboard, skeet shooting, bingo, limbo contests... everyone was having fun in the sun aboard this floating city.

I liked all the amenities, and everything was okay, until I performed the first show, of the first week, of my twelve week assignment. Now everyone thought they knew me and I was their new best friend. I felt like I was trapped with the audience on a floating prison. Please allow me to explain...

I have a split personality. I'm completely at ease on the stage and delighted to perform for large audiences of strangers. Off stage, I'm the complete opposite. I'm happy mingling and making charming small talk with other minglers and charming small talkers, even though they are strangers, for a limited time before and after the show. But definitely not twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

But I held up my end of the deal. I always do. I glad-handed the endless swarm of passengers daily. As a magician, I got more than my fair share of bubbling curiosity, skepticism, belief, embarrassment, and annoying interruptions. As distasteful as this became for me, I was determined to be a success onboard and did everything in my power to ensure people would find me friendly and polite.

I was friendly with the other entertainers onboard and I know for a fact... no one ever ran up to the singer and offered to sing the singer a song... no one offered to show a few dance steps to the Adagio team... But it seemed like everyone onboard wanted to show me they knew a card trick. I tried to be nice, but it was always some dumb mathematical trick that took days to perform and never worked.

I wanted to read a book by the pool and work on my suntan. Passengers were just trying to be friendly when they interrupted me with their stupid questions... "Can you make my wife disappear?" "Can you teach me to pull a card from the bottom without getting caught so I can cheat at poker?" "If I tell you how I think you did the Balloon & Spoon trick will you tell me if I'm right?"

One night, I did a trick called the Insurance Policy... a selected card vanished... then reappeared in a sealed envelope in the zippered compartment of my wallet... except there was a problem... the selected card was the King of Hearts and the card in the envelope in my wallet was the Three of Clubs. I said, "Someday someone's gonna pick the Three of Clubs, and this will be a really good trick," everyone laughed.

In a panic, I said, "I guess I palmed the wrong card," more laughs. "Don't worry... I'm covered..." I reached for my Magician's Insurance Policy, "...that protects me against failure from warped cards, faulty fingers, and just about anything else that can make a card trick go wrong..."

I began to read its purposes and conditions, as I did, I kept unfolding the policy which got bigger and bigger. When the policy was opened all the way it was the size of a large poster. I turned it around and the audience saw a huge color picture of the selected card, King of Hearts.

The next day, a guy approached me at the pool and said, "Mr. Spill, would you sell me one of your tricks?" I politely declined and went back to reading my book. He wouldn't give up, "I'd love to do one trick. I want a trick to do for my clients." I figured the easiest way to get rid of this guy was to teach him some simple trick. "I sell insurance. I need the Magician's Insurance Policy trick. I'll pay you anything you want. How does five hundred cash sound?" Wow.

That night we met in the library and he said, "Okay here's the money, now give me the policy." I told him to secretly put the King of Hearts on the bottom of the deck. Then have a person cut the cards and turn the bottom half to right angles and drop it on top of the other half...

He asked why... I told him that the secret to the trick is that his clients have to get the King of Hearts... He said, "Never mind that, I want to do it the way you did." I explained that the way I did it requires the Classic Force, which is a difficult sleight that takes hours of practice... but the method I wanted to show him will be just as effective for the people he showed it to.

He took the cards and fanned them, and said, "Take a card, any card." I tried to explain there was more to it than that, he repeated, "Take a card." So I took one, and he unfolded the insurance policy and showed me the huge color picture of the King of Hearts. "Is that your card?"

He said, "What? What do you mean no? In the show you said the policy covered you for any card." I quickly explained it's just a trick. But this guy believed it was some sort of a real magic insurance policy, and wanted to believe in it passionately. He was crushed that the trick was a phony, a fakeroo, and a lie.

"Do you mean to tell me it always shows the King of Hearts? That's no magic, and it's certainly no insurance." I reminded him that he seemed to like it before he knew how it worked, he said, "That's when I thought the policy provided a real service. What kind of insurance covers you for only one card in the deck? That's worth nothing... but... can I at least pay you something for your time?" I told him he didn't owe me anything.

I was in the Jacuzzi. A very attractive woman in a bikini was flashing a big smile as she approached me. Maybe there were some fringe benefits to being trapped with the audience on a floating prison? For a moment I felt instead of prison I'd be on parole. She said, "We really enjoyed your show... I was wondering... would you mind... teaching my little boy a few tricks... he loves magic..."

<< Return to Steve Spill's Blog

Home > Steve Spill > Blog > Leave Me Alone