Post Matinee Surprise - 1-04-09

About a half hour before today’s matinee here at Magicopolis, a dull pain developed in my chest and persisted in making itself felt with every breath I took. The pain was dull and tolerable enough for me to do the show, and I was determined to go on, pain or no.

From the very first time I set foot on stage, starting as a kid, I have never, ever missed a performance. Neither snow, nor rain nor fever nor flu nor allergies nor a broken ankle, could keep me from doing my performances.*

When my wife became aware of the pain, she suggested I not ignore it and get myself to a hospital emergency room. She said don’t worry about the show, give everyone their money back. Because the pain was tolerable, I didn’t want to do that. I kept thinking, the show must go on… the show must go on.

Less than five minutes after the final bow, I felt the pain in my chest inelegantly and unceremoniously leave my body. At this moment, a huge, ear-shattering, triple flutter-blast of a fart escaped from me. I guess the huge breakfast I force-fed myself this morning backfired.

At first I was hesitant about sharing this, but ultimately, I, like all immature adults, find the loud passing of gas to be funny.

*25 years ago in our long running show, “Magicomedy Cabaret,” Bob Sheets and I did a great routine with the old Houdini trunk trick. I played the part of Harry Houdini and Bob dressed as my wife Bess Houdini. Houdini had a large Mexican lunch and is locked in the trunk... with lots of trapped gas.

At the moment I'm ready to vanish and reappear, the most pro-longed fart ever – until today’s matinee - escaped from me... startled for a fraction of an instant, I lost my footing during the switcheroo with Bob and twisted my ankle. But I finished the trick and the show without a problem.

Bob was trapped in the trunk with my fart and the odor was overwhelming... tears welled up in his eyes. The volunteers removing the chains and locks were a little slow... Hallelujah... the trunk was finally unlocked, as we released Bob, I said to the audience "We gotta get him out quick, when I was in the trunk I broke wind." The line worked great and I kept it in the act.

After the show I was in excruciating pain. My broken ankle was the size of a softball and put in a plaster cast. I had to walk with a cane but could still do the show except for the Houdini routine, which was too physically demanding. A friend and magician, John Kennedy (one of today's great inventors of close-up magic tricks) was rehearsed to take my place in the Houdini bit.

John didn't speak. He's wasn’t mute, just a little shy trying to be funny in front of 150 people. We had a solution. He wore the Houdini outfit and did the trick, but I spoke the dialogue. One funny sequence happened when Bob slammed the lid on the trunk and it looked like John's hand was smashed. His hand was smashed and I'm the one who screamed in pain.

The audience also screamed and Bob lifted the lid. I showed everyone... actually John showed everyone... it was just a fake rubber hand, and Bob and I sung a few bars of the Village People's hit song "Macho, Macho, Man."

The situation brought a lot of new comedy to the routine. Bob and I felt pretty comfortable with this new arrangement. Then... the show came when John's hand really did get smashed. He had broken fingers. I had a broken ankle. The Houdini bit went on hiatus until I got my cast off six weeks later.

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