Only in LA - 8-21-09

I was a dinner guest at the home of a wealthy guy I'll call Mr. X. He could not have been more charming and gracious to me. Nowhere in his demeanor nor behavior did I feel that I was talking to a multi-millionaire executive. His affluence comes from owning a law firm, his dream is to make movies. He stuck out his hand and said:

"Shake my hand and we have a deal!"

"Before I shake," I asked, stepping back, "can I ask what the deal is?"

"It's for a new film I'm preparing," he said offering his hand again, "shake and you've got yourself a deal."

"A new film," I said politely, "can I read the script?"

"There is no script," he said withdrawing his hand, "just a story line in my head. I can tell it to you."

I thought, I am his guest, eating his food, how could I not listen?

"The title of the movie is," he announced dramatically, "Houdini Meets Adolf Hitler!"

"Houdini Meets Adolf Hitler," I asked, "it's a... what... a fantasy?"

"No, Spill, a comedy with a magic twist," he explained impatiently, "I need a comedy magic expert like you to write it. Shake my hand, Spill, and you have a deal."

Again I hesitated and he, realizing that I would not commit to the project without more details, starting giving me details, many, many details, one more stupid than the other. After hearing how the story was set in "the wild, wild, wild West" and Houdini would be the good guy and Adolf Hitler would be the villain, and how "Adolf and Houdini" would have a big gun fight over some cattle... I knew there would be no handshakes today.

I thought, is this why he invited me here... to make a deal for this garbage? And then I thought about what I would say when he finished and asked for my honest opinion. What could I possibly say, without compromising my integrity, that would not be cruel and insulting? When he did finish, Mr. X had a huge grin on his face and looked at me expectantly.

"So, Spill," he asked smiling proudly, "what do you think? I want your honest opinion."

I grinned back at him while shaking my head slowly back and forth. A slow head shake is a noncommittal comment that could mean "Boy, you sure are something!" or "You stink!" Using it gave me some extra time to decide between telling the truth and bullshitting, and very quickly I realized that I had to tell the truth.

"Mr. X," I said, acting thoughtful, "I think Houdini Meets Adolf Hitler could well be – no, is – the worst idea for a movie ever. It makes absolutely no sense and is just not funny or magical. I can see no earthly reason why you would waste your time with this piece of sh-shhallow-ness." I paused, adding quietly, "If I were you Mr. X, I'd dump it and stick to being an attorney."

Mr. X stared at me long and hard while I tried to act nonchalant.

"So, Spill, you are telling me that my idea is stupid. God Dammit." He growled, "That's what my wife told me. Well, thank you." He sighed, "So I guess I'll dump it, like you say."

I never expected this reaction to my critique, and wondered why he exerted all that energy describing something he knew stank?

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